Sometimes, I feel the need to hide.
I stay in bed. I intermittently turn my phone on airplane mode so that no one can find me. But, it always goes back on, because I don’t want to be hidden forever.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to people. I just want them to understand that, I can talk to them too but not if there is any risk of a misunderstanding – from my tone or perceived absence. Ultimately, I end up trying to hide while being present, simultaneously, which doesn’t work. I know this now.
I can talk to people about why I feel like hiding, but only if they can understand me well enough and keep the secret. It’s my hiding place. The key to it is what’s below the surface, and that’s not something you share with many, if any.
I begin to like the alone time. I write. I read. I almost don’t feel alone anymore. I just simply be. I exercise to fight the quarrels from the monster within – for once, maybe physical strengths will out power the mental.
I get lost in nature too. Hiding from the world in tall overshadowing trees. I hide and I find myself. My own little game of hide-and-seek.
Sometimes, hiding is good – just don’t hibernate when you find a good spot. Go implement what you learn and watch what you can do.